Saturday, September 15, 2012

Goats and Grammar

I come from a family of linguists- among my relatives and ancestors are several English teachers, award-winning writers, a gifted poet and speechwriter for a past president. I actually won the coveted "Grammar Award" in high school and started college as a Literature major before switching to Nursing when I compared job prospects between health care and Medieval English Lit...(no pressure here, college-seeking daughters of mine...)

Anyway, I am frequently appalled at what is happening to the English language - between complete dependence on spellcheck and the horror teens call "texting" (where ordinary words are shortened into near-nothingness), nobody cares about proper grammar anymore. Even words which are clearly nouns have morphed into verbs - my daughter told me recently she had "friended" someone on facebook. Really - when did "friend" become an action verb? (Maybe when Pluto ceased to be a planet??) And yet, perhaps this trend is contagious, as the other day I heard myself tell Emily (home late from tennis practice, and in reference to afternoon feeding), "Start your homework - I already grained the goats." Good heavens - did I really say that??

A favorite time for our goats is the twice-daily time they spend on our deck. We have learned that the bladder capacity of a Nigerian Dwarf goat is roughly two hours, so in order to avoid puddles outside the screen door, we encourage the goats to take care of this bodily function before coming up to the deck. Sometimes this is accomplished by simply leading them to the area of the yard where they usually urinate, or snapping our fingers and sternly saying "Peepee time!" Often they will go on command. Sometimes other measures are necessary. (ATTENTION - if you are a personal friend of myself or Emily, please skip to the next paragraph now. Just too embarrassing. Strangers may keep reading.)  Occasionally, I admit we need to crouch down next to them in the rigid "tripod" elimination position, and the little mimics will generally follow suit. (I only hope that anyone driving by will assume I am doing yoga, not actually "watering" the grass with my goats!!)

Yesterday we were working outside, and as evening approached I realized Emerson and Elliot were anxious for their slightly-overdue "deck time." I went to tell Emily that I was bringing them up, but she was one step ahead of me. "It's okay, Mom," she called from the yard. "I already peed the goats."

I give up.

No comments:

Post a Comment