You have the right to remain silent...

Recently we read the police log in the newspaper - always amused by the "stupid criminals" section - there was a story about an intoxicated man who head-butted the officer attempting to restrain him. Not a really smart move, as he was then charged with assault as well. Head-butting? Actually, we have some of that going on here...actually, many of the reported misdemeanors seem a bit familiar to our family...

Destruction of personal property - yeah, remember that new pair of sneakers I had? And that clean laundry hanging on the deck?

Disturbing the peace? Noise violations?  - How about every morning at 6 am?

Failure to respond to a summons? - Get in that pen, NOW!

Unauthorized use of a vehicle? - That would be the goat cousins every day, and Emerson the one and only time he leaped onto my husband's car (hey, I warned him not to park so close to the goat pen!)

Urination in a public place - no explanation required

Intent to commit mayhem? - this one is definitely their specialty.

And in case you have no idea who the perpetrators are...