The Fence Attempt - Take 5 (by Emerson, Guest Blogger)

Let's review the plan one more time, Ellie, just in case she tries to put us in that awful fence again. Pay attention! She'll drag you in first like always - put up just enough fuss to wear her out. Meanwhile, I'll take off across the field. When she finally catches me, I'll whine and tug against the leash while she drags me up the hill, then thrash into the ground and make choking sounds from my way-too-tight collar. You pretend to be grazing contentedly, but when she opens the gate to shove me in, you rush over and escape. Imprisoned, I'll hurl my body against the gate while she chases after you, and when she catches you again, wrap your leash around her foot so she ends up inside the fence with us. By that time she'll be so out of breath she'll just sit down and pull out that book she keeps in her backpack with our emergency snacks.

Listen up! While she reads in the fence with us, we'll fill our bellies and lure her into a false sense of security as she slowly inches toward the gate. Notice anything, brother? Me neither; I'm just happily eating these weeds over here... When she makes her move, we'll be on that gate like a flash - did she honestly think we would let her out? Hot and thirsty (and strangely unwilling to drink from our water bucket), she'll just give up. Victory is ours! Freedom! And it's a race to the deck - who will get there first? Will it be Super-Ellie, Speedy Skunk, or the Stupid Slow Human? Hurry it up - we need some animal crackers here!

Phase Two is all me, Ellie. You're too transparent. Can't you see it now? And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to...Emerson! This is where I act so traumatized by the experience that I can't settle down. I do the whole panting, tongue-lolling, wide-eyed quivering thing (goat-on-the-verge-of-a-heart-attack-all-the-fault-of-a-mean-horrible-human) so convincing that she panics and sits on my bench next to me and sings my favorite lullaby until I fall asleep.

I could get used to this...I wonder if we're doing the fence-thing tomorrow?