Goats, Teens and Road Rallies...

Some people may think that goats and teenagers are similar creatures - both are stubborn, sometimes moody, with voracious (though somewhat picky) appetites, and their living areas are always a mess. As I have recently learned, however, not everything is the same...

A few weeks ago we started taking the goats out of their fenced area for supervised "walks" in the surrounding fields and down by the creek. At first we used collars and leashes, but now Emerson and Ellie have learned to stay with us and happily follow Emily as she takes the lead. When we stop, they stop. When we want them to turn, they turn.

Well, most of the time...

Occasionally Emerson will suddenly just take off in the opposite direction, full speed ahead, headed for the hills - or worse. One day I ended up dashing along the bank shrieking, "Not the road! Not the road! Get away from the road!" Fortunately a vigorously-shaken container of animal crackers lured him back to safety.

I need these peaceful (usually) walks with the goats to distract me from another major life stressor. I thought having goats was nerve-wracking - until I tried teaching a teenager to drive.

A large, empty parking lot seemed a good place to start, at least the first day, then the next...After she had thoroughly mastered driving in gigantic circles I suggested that she carefully turn out of the lot, drive on the bordering (and deserted) side street some one hundred yards, and then re-enter the parking lot via the adjacent entrance. Each time we circled I repeated my suggestion - to no avail. My very cautious daughter did not want to chance encountering another vehicle on the road (even though we had seen none at all since our arrival). What followed was definitely not my best parenting moment.

After about five hundred huge circles around the lot (and perhaps somewhat dizzy), I finally lost it. As we once again approached the decision point I just started shrieking, "Go in the road! Go in the road! Why can't you just go into the road!!"

And guess what? It takes much more than animal crackers to bribe a teenager.

Who Wants Them Now?

I recently came across a comment from a friend who stated she would have been interested in my offer to adopt our goat boys - had she not read my blog!!  I must apologize - I realize that, in my attempts at humor, I have perhaps given the wrong impression of our beloved goats. To rectify the situation (and hopefully convince my friend to take in the boys), I will share some entries from my personal journal.

"How much money we are saving on groceries, now that I no longer need coffee when I wake up. I have found that going outside to the goat pen at 7 am in 20 degree weather is more invigorating than caffeine ever was! I only wish that the morning chore of scooping up the droppings took more than the necessary two or three minutes, as I find this a perfect time for meditation on my blessings. Today I looked down the hill toward the garden and contemplated the bounteous harvest we'll have this year, with all the fertilizer the goats are providing. I can almost taste those succulent fresh tomatoes now!"

"I read somewhere that goat droppings sell for upwards of five dollars a pound, so in demand they are for fertilizer. What a home business opportunity, if only I had selling experience and an established client base, people who already buy farm-fresh eggs, for example. (Although I don't believe leaving the droppings in the church refrigerator with the eggs would be a good idea...)"

"Today I had time to read an entire book as well as bake 3 batches of cookies. I had blocked off the afternoon for weeding and yard care, but when I went outside I saw that the goats (dear boys!) had taken care of all the bothersome weeds while leaving the ornamental shrubbery untouched. I haven't had to mow the grass all summer because of their constant nibbling; I even sold the lawnmower and put the money toward the girls' college funds."

"I only regret not having gotten goats years ago, instead of when my daughters are on the cusp of leaving for college and myself looking for full-time employment. Goats are such a wonderful project for a stay-at-home mom with young children, say, preschool, or second grade...Children find the goats so entertaining its almost like having a pair of live-in babysitters! If I had only done this when my daughters were younger, I might have started my own craft business with all my free time. Imagine the nest egg we'd have from "GoatTime Inspirations" now!"

"What a relief that all the worrisome skin conditions have completely cleared up - I found that the fault was mine from switching to a more expensive laundry detergent. Apparently the goats had an allergic  reaction from rubbing against my jeans. Once I switched back to the bargain brand, all was fine. I'll have to email my findings to the vet (as we see her so infrequently)."

"Every day with the goats is a blessing - I just feel so guilty keeping them all to myself! If only I could share them with a friend! (I'd even share all their equipment and supplies - heck, you can have the shed if we could find a way to move it!) I'll be waiting by the phone..."

Goats, Statistics and a Dead Fish...

Having just completed their first semester of 11th grade, my daughters informed me that they are now selecting classes for their senior year. Many of the required courses are out of the way, so they have more freedom to choose electives - and so I unveiled to Emily my Grand Plan - I think she should take all the Agricultural classes. Imagine the benefits if Emily took "Wildlife Management and Animal Science!" Even "Equine Science" would be useful - goats aren't that different from horses...really, why does she need Psychology and Advanced Creative Writing anyway? Priorities, girl!

Actually, as I was drying dishes last night Emily mentioned casually that she was considering AP Statistics as one of her classes. After I swept up all the shards of glass from my priceless heirloom casserole dish, I sat down with her to discuss this. (For anyone wondering, Advanced Placement classes are basically college-level classes taken in high school and eligible for college credit if you attain a score of "3" or greater on a national exam - 3 out of what, I have no idea...) I was somewhat confused as, first, she hates math, and second, although she always does well in school, she has never even taken an Honors-level (the tier below AP) math class in her life. History, Literature, English...sure. Math? That's like me trying to be a tour bus driver. (Anyone who's ever seen me try to parallel park would understand.) Just because it will look good on a college application doesn't necessarily mean it's a good idea, Emily! (And I am never helping you with homework!)

This occurred to me. Just as there are ascending levels of difficulty in classes (Remedial Math, On-Level, Honors, AP), the same goes for pets. Myself, I am really good at cats. Never met a cat I didn't love, who didn't love me, who I couldn't successfully care for. Litter boxes, worm pills skillfully hidden in liverwurst, flea and tick products, I'm a pro. This may have led me to the false assumption that I could handle any animal. However, cats probably fall in the "on-level" pet category. Most people can manage them. Before I tackled goats, though, I should have recalled our experience with Neville, the bright blue betta fish Emily brought home from eighth grade. While dear Neville had thrived for several weeks as a class pet (and science observation project), we killed him in just twelve days. Wrong food? Too many minerals in the water? House too cold? Who knows. We tried - and failed. It seems to me that a solitary fish in a bowl of water is a pretty easy task - yet if we couldn't even pass this test, why on earth did we sign up for AP level caprine pets?? 

Right now it feels like we're hovering in the "failing" zone. The goat boys are besieged by a mystery parasite -  skin flaking off, weird bald patches, and Emerson is losing all the hair around his eyes and mouth. Emily and I spent part of the afternoon cleansing a putrid crust from each of the goats' "under-tail" area (yes, the dreaded "butt-fungus" has returned) and applying antibiotic cream to an open sore on Elliot's rear. We treated them with an insecticide powder so toxic to humans we had to wear gloves and burn our clothes. When I advise Emily not to take AP Stats because it will be unending work with little reward...what does that sound like?

And yet...today was sunny and warm and just lovely outside - we took Emerson and Elliot on a long walk down in the meadow and by the creek. No leashes, just trust...they stayed with us and ate weeds voraciously and frolicked around the fields in utter delight. It was like introducing your child to the grandest playground ever...and when we came back to the pen I sat down on a mat (in exhaustion) and both goats came over and laid down next to me, one on either side all snuggled up and happy. Maybe Emily could do some sort of AP Independent Study about goats...

The Quest for Warm Water

I could have been an engineer...

Keeping our goats happy, healthy and hydrated - what a challenge this has turned out to be! Weary of thawing frozen water bowls and running endless gallons from the tap every few hours to satisfy Em and Ellie's penchant for only warm water (and not wanting a repeat of the urinary issues), I decided to investigate the options for heated water systems. A query at the local feed store first led me to a gigantic electric bucket large enough to use as a bathtub for both goats at a cost worthy of a monthly payment plan. Momentarily I wondered if this might double as an economic alternative to the hot tub my husband has been wanting...what's more relaxing than a soak in the goat shed with two hairy beasts staring you down? No, they'd likely eat our clean towels and we'd have to dry off with the old rags I store in the shed for clean-up...

"Don't you have something, well, smaller?" I asked (really meaning cheaper but not wanting to sound, well, cheap...)

And that's how we came to be proud owners of the heated dog bowl. Only two problems. First, while your average canine might not chew an electric cord loosely-wrapped in a thin wire, I was sure the goats could gnaw through that in an afternoon. (They would see it as a challenge!) Second, I knew the attached six-foot cord was nowhere long enough to reach our electrical outlet. My husband takes construction very seriously, and when he was wiring the goat shed with electric and I reminded him not to put the outlet where the goats could reach it, he was either imagining we had supersonic leaping goats or else was thinking of the awesome "Goats in Trees" calendar I am so coveting (but still hoping for a clearance sale) - and so he installed the outlet some eight feet up in the ceiling. On tiptoe I can barely reach it -  so unless the bowl could levitate mid-air without spilling - Houston, we have a problem.

Now the clever engineering solution - build a platform from scrap wood to raise and contain the bowl, then scrounge around the garage for something to protect the cord - an old metal dryer hose works great! (Try chewing on that, goats!) Perfect.

Problem three. The goats hate it. When buying agricultural equipment, always read the fine print. Turns out the bowl does not deliver warm water, merely water just above freezing (presumably to conserve electricity). Water at forty degrees might be cool and refeshing on a hot summer day - however it is completely unacceptable to goats (my spoiled goats, at least). Beyond one tentative, curious taste when it was first installed, I have yet to see a goat sip from it. They stand morose at their little ceramic bowl in the driveway, waiting for a kind-hearted human with a steaming jug.

Emily said, "Mom, we should have just tried a crock pot with an extension cord." Yeah, if only we could teach the goat boys how to put the lid back on...

When You Need a Friend

I have loved this photo for a while - the goat is Yoda, "cousin" to Emerson and Elliot. Although my sister has three other Nigerian Dwarf goats, Yoda's best friend on the farm has always been Griffin. It's a rare person who will rescue and care for an aged  horse who's blind and needs daily medication for a chronic illness, but my sister truly has a heart for animals. Yoda is also a rescue animal, abused by his former owners and still distrustful of people, but he and Griffin bonded from the start. Sadly, Griffin's condition recently worsened until he was unable to walk without extreme pain, and today we bid him farewell.

Rest in peace, gentle Griffin.

How will Yoda cope with the loss of his friend?

Bad goat days...

Some days are what I call "bad goat days." Not that the actual goats behave any worse than usual, just that I am struggling with the whole issue of having goats. This is one of those days.

Last evening was "Financial Aid Night" at my daughters' high school - an introduction to parents of juniors on how to begin the college search - covering topics like SATs, ACTs, GPA, FAFSAs, campus visits, interviews, applications - how to help your child not only select and gain acceptance to just the right school but also then how to pay for the next four years. I found the presentation informative but overwhelming. Somehow in the next year and a half I have to guide not one child but two in this process, both at the same time. I learned that applying for the upcoming SAT exam now requires applicants to upload a photo online for identification, and my computer for some reason won't even upload goat photos any more. Just too much to comprehend!

I was already a bit stressed before we went to the high school. Yesterday while sweeping up the goat pen I happened to notice under Elliot's tail what I can only refer to as (ok, I'm really sorry here) a "butt fungus" - awful yellow crusty stuff, somewhat malodorous, coating a part of him I rarely examine closely. (Obviously that will now have to change.)

Is anyone still reading? Retching and running for the bathroom? Apologies...but this is an honest blog so you get the good and the bad...

How had I missed this when the vet was here last week? What is it? Can it be related to his recent skin issues? I wondered if it could be caused by his sleeping habits. We can always tell where Ellie slept because there is a giant mound of droppings there, as though he stays in one position all night long just pooping away in his sleep (unlike Emerson who apparently gets up when nature calls - the "scatter-poop" is more difficult to clean up but likely more hygienic...). Frustrations!! Obviously I cannot ignore this, so after consultation with my favorite horse expert, I have a treatment plan involving baby shampoo, betadine scrub and an old soft toothbrush. Who thinks Elliot (now 60 pounds) will cooperate? Maybe I should add some rubber gloves to that list. And on top of this I need to help two kids find a college?

Consumed with schoolwork, Emily has largely given up goat care. She still cares about them, but I am generally the person who cares for them. I cannot fault her too much as good grades are certainly one great way to help pay for college, but still...some days I think that maybe a wonderful caring person will offer to adopt our goats and give them such a loving home...I would say yes. (Any volunteers? I'll even throw in the bottles.)

Goat Games and all that

Over the holidays my teenage daughters went to a party hosted by a classmate - Emily recounted this story. Apparently everyone was taking turns playing the Wii games in the basement, but Emily had some trouble operating the cordless controller. Demonstrating how to play Wii bowling and somewhat perplexed at her ineptitude, her host asked, "Don't you have a Wii at home?"

At her negative answer, he continued," X-box? Playstation? Game cube? DS? Kinect?"

"No - no - no - no - no..."

Apparently unable to believe that any modern American family could be without an electronic game system, he asked, "Well, what do you have, then?"

Emily didn't have to think long before the perfect answer came to her.

"Ummm, we have goats!!"

Today was an unseasonably warm winter day - we got into a raucous game of chasing the goats around the yard, over the picnic table, dancing on the shed roof - Emerson was practically doing flips, he was so excited - until they finally fell asleep, exhausted, on our laps. Yeah - beats a Wii every time!

Itchy Goats - The Skinny on Skin

Ringworm, blood-sucking lice, burrowing maggots, viral pustules...just what you want to think about at the start of a new year, right? Since I didn't have any real topics to explore, I was planning to write a funny blog about the goats and their New Year's resolutions, but the boys had other ideas...

We noticed a about a week ago that Elliot had some scabbed areas on the inside of his front legs, as well as his chest and neck. He was always rubbing against things, even rolling on the driveway, and when we petted him there were flakes of stuff coming off everywhere. I had earlier brought in a new straw bale for them to make a cozy sleeping area, but they just made a big mess of it so we got rid of it after a few days - maybe a contact dermatitis from the straw? He didn't seem to be improving, though. Right, it's Christmas, it's freezing cold out here, and what on earth do I know about goats and skin problems? Time for a good Google search...Here's a few things I learned.

Caprine skin issues fall into four categories. Ringworm (fungal) is contagious to humans. Lice (parasitic) can be either the biting (annoying) variety or the more dangerous blood-sucking kind which causes life-threatening anemia. (Neither of the goat lice, however, affect humans.) Viral infections lead to feeding and reproductive issues, and staph infections (bacterial) usually result from open wounds.

Based on Ellie's symptoms (and a ziploc bag of his hair I took to our local feed store), I guessed parasitic - but the recommended over-the-counter treatment (an injection I would have to give) only covers one type of lice and also is only sold in the 100-dose vial, at a cost nearly as much as a vet visit. Seriously, how many people really have 100 goats?!! Imagine if you went to the pharmacy when your child had an ear infection and had to buy enough antibiotics for 100 children (and they expire in a year). Also, according to my internet sources, goat skin infections are among the hardest to diagnose, and if you give the wrong treatment you'll just make it worse. A more experienced goatherd might tackle this - but not me.

I called the vet. She did a thorough inspection (Ellie wasn't too happy to see her but Emily and I both held him down). She saw evidence of lice infestation but no active critters - possibly a reaction to the straw but now with some bacterial infection. Without laboratory analysis of skin samples we'll never know for sure. So, Elliot got two shots - one an antibiotic and also a steroid for the itching, plus a topical medicine that covers both types of lice and other external parasites (foul-smelling purple stuff...the shed now reeks like turpentine). We have to comb him with a fine-toothed comb and wash the scabbed areas with betadine scrub. We also scoured out the goat shed. As a bonus, brother Emerson got a nasty horn scur removed while the vet was here anyway (it was growing down into his head).

Happy New Year, goat boys! One hundred goats? I can barely manage the two we have!! Don't even ask me about my New Year's resolutions!