If the Goats Got a New Home

Don't take this wrong - but for some reason we had a dinner conversation about what it would be like if the goats found a new home...perhaps a nice farm with a barn and acres of fenced fields and lots of other goats...Then we imagined Em and Ellie being shown around their new digs by one of the goat regulars - we'll call him Harold.

Harold: Eat here. Sleep here. Go outside if you want.

Emerson (sniffing the hay rack): This hay seems a little stale, like it's been in here a few hours. When will we get fresh hay?

Harold: Um, when we eat all that?

Ellie: I'm thirsty.

Harold: Bucket over there.

Emerson: Oh, no, brother, don't drink it - that water's cold. We should wait for "Hot Bucket." or "Hot Bowl." What do you mean, they don't bring out teapots every three hours? Also, that cold water has pieces of hay floating in it - it needs to be dumped! Let's call the peoples! And we need to remind them to put a little apple cider vinegar in our water, none of that plain stuff.

Harold: What's wrong with your brother? He's standing so dumb.

Emerson: Oh, he drank a whole Hot Bowl before we came. He probably needs someone to come and pee him. You know, push him into the peeing corner of the yard and say "Peepee, Ellie!" lots of times until he goes. What do you mean, we have to go all by ourselves? Here? Isn't there a tray for if we don't want to go outside? Sometimes our peoples would hold a big plastic cup under us while we peed - that way it didn't leave a mess in our shed. Ellie's really good at peeing in the cup.

Ellie: Where are the sleeping mats? I'm tired.

Emerson: It's okay, Ellie - I'm sure the peoples will bring us clean mats when they come to sing our nighttime lullabies.They must be very busy cutting up apples for us - look, I even pooped and nobody has come to sweep it up yet. That was at least ten minutes ago! By the way, Harold, are there pods here?

Ellie: I want to go home!