The Babies Grow Up?

I do not believe in reincarnation (goodness, imagine if I came back as a goat in my next life!) - but certainly it is true that life seems to go in cycles. Seventeen years ago my days were consumed with caring for my infant twin daughters - an endless schedule of bottles, diaper changes, and rocking them to sleep before it all started again a few hours later.

Now, thankfully, my children are independent in all these areas. Some mornings I barely see the girls before they grab their self-packed lunches and rush out to catch the school bus. That's when my real work begins. I mix up breakfast for the goats (a cocktail of five ingredients) then quickly get dressed, make myself some oatmeal and start a load of laundry before the goats are ready for morning bottles. All that warm milk gets the digestive systems going, so my next task is sweeping up some half ton of pellets. (That's the part that correlates to diaper changes, if you're keeping track.) Elliot wanders off to eat more hay but little Emerson is ready for his morning nap, so he stands next to me, silently pleading...and how can you refuse a sleepy goat who just wants to be held?  I grab a plastic crate and hoist his near-fifty pounds onto my lap. He snuggles himself in and after a few minutes his eyes are closed, his breathing deep and steady. Not exactly how I planned to spend my morning, but...

Seventeen years ago, I would have counted having a sleeping baby in my arms one of life's greatest blessings. I guess there are worse things in life than this...

Rub it in, baby!

While there are many aspects of goating that I find tedious and arduous, our recent battles with skin problems have been the worst. My frustration with this issue far surpasses my dislike of frozen water bowls, never-ending excrement and constantly wrangling those escape artists back inside the fence. It was around Christmas that we first noticed Elliot frequently kicking and biting at himself, creating bald patches and scabby open sores and shaking off snowfall-like piles of dry skin. In January our vet treated him with steroids, antibiotics and a strong anti-parasite medication, as lice and mites are generally the cause of caprine skin problems. Elliot's symptoms continued, however, and then Emerson started as well. Next I treated them both with Ivermectin - a medication designed for cattle but popularly used "off-label" for goats. (By the way, I now own enough Ivermectin to treat 299 1/2 cows - the smallest bottle available was the 300-dose size - and am willing to share!) This seemed to help Emerson, or else he cleared up on his own, but Ellie is still a mess of itching. To complicate things, they are both losing the hair around their eyes (a common sign of parasites but also mineral deficiency) and no matter how many times I clean under the tails I cannot clear up the "butt fungus." Emily and I have scrubbed out their house several times, applied countless tubes of antibiotic ointment to oozing sores,and added the recommended supplements to their diet. Nothing helps.

This week I asked the vet to return and do skin scrapings - while I restrained a terrified goat, she scratched Ellie in multiple sites with a scalpel to obtain skin and tissue samples. Horrible, but at least we would finally identify whatever microscopic parasite was the cause of Elliot's torment. Or so I thought.

All the skin scrapings were completely negative. No mites, no lice, no parasites at all. Could it be some weird allergy? To what?? Autoimmune disease? Anxiety disorder? The dreaded Meningeal Worm (diagnosed only by spinal tap under anesthesia - so not happening...) Again we treated with antibiotics (for the secondary infection) and steroids, but I am unsure what the next step will be.

One of my friends is recovering from ankle surgery. Last week she sat on my couch, absently rubbing cocoa butter lotion on her foot, as she is prescribed to do twice a day to speed the healing process somehow. My mind wandered to Elliot's dried and cracking skin (oh, I forgot to mention the vet also shaved off much of his matted hair) and I wondered - could this work on Ellie? So if you come to visit and find me in the driveway rubbing cocoa butter lotion into a goat's hind end, I'm not crazy, really.

Well, no more crazy than I already was, at least...

Tea Time With Goats

If you are a prospective goat owner, there are several things you should get. (First on your list should be a mental health consult, but if you're leaping into this adventure anyway, read on.) Immediately start collecting brooms and dustpans, as well as containers of all sizes - from tiny plastic containers for treats to large trash cans (with tight lids) for grain, which is sold only in 50 pound bags. You will need water bowls, small pans for mineral supplements, larger tubs for hay...and a teapot.

As I have mentioned before, goats detest cold water. Mine have taken this peculiar aversion one step farther - refusing to drink cool water, or even lukewarm water. Although I invested nearly a week's pay in a complex electric water-warming system, Emerson and Ellie turn up their noses and pretend it's not there. (I have seen them use it exactly once, the first day I installed it, when they gave it an experimental slurp and decided they hated it.) What my slightly-spoiled caprines desire is water hot enough to steep tea. Hence the teapot.

Being a coffee drinker myself, I knew very little about the finer points of tea consumption until last year when Emily suddenly developed a taste for this elegant beverage. After purchasing several boxes of bargain brand tea bags (apparently unpalatable), I learned several things about what makes a satisfactory cup of tea. For example, who knew that you can order her favorite Tazo Wild Sweet Orange tea by the case on ebay? (I do not recommend this, however - it seems that after a few weeks, the tea-drinker becomes tired of this pricey flavor and then you are stuck with 23 boxes of the stuff...although it makes great teacher gifts at Christmas!)

Another thing Emily informed me is that water heated in the microwave is not the same as water from a teapot, a kitchen appliance I have somehow survived 23 years of marriage without. I was excited to find this cute green one at a thrift store, until we realized at home that it was missing the spout flap and therefore would never, ever whistle. But guess what? When you run steaming hot water from the bathtub, this is the ideal container to transport the water out to the goats. The metal keeps the water hot and the goats go crazy when they see me bringing it to the pen, eagerly slurping out of the bowl while I am still pouring.

I wonder if the goats would like Wild Sweet Orange...

Sarasota, here we come!

 A key piece of advice to prospective goat owners - if you don't have a large barn, just get a cat instead. Or a dog. Or a venomous snake. When that stupid groundhog saw his shadow and predicted six more weeks of winter, I almost cried. The goats themselves are pretty hardy in cold weather (though even one raindrop sends them into hysteria) - but it's me who minds the chill, the bitter winds, the trudging through the snow and ice...Lately I wake up every morning knowing that numb cold fingers and stiff knees await me and its hard to get out of bed. Spring cannot come soon enough!!

There has been a rumor circulating that I am getting rid of Em and Ellie - THIS IS NOT TRUE. First of all, who would take them? I don't know anyone that crazy. Second, I have great hopes that we will enjoy them again once the weather warms up. I used to have a nice set-up on my side of the garage, a cozy "goat-cave" where I could bring them on cold, wet days for hoof trimming, skin treatments and just to get out of the weather - I even had a chair for myself to read a book while they ate or to hold Emerson, who is quite a snuggler lately, always looking for a lap...Unfortunately my husband took on a major paintwork repair project and I no longer have use of the garage for the winter - so here is my new solution - the goats are traveling to Florida for a few months!

My dear Aunt Nancy and her husband winter in sunny Sarasota, Florida, and I learned this weekend that two of their grandsons are flying down to stay with them for a week. This gave me a great idea - I'll send the goats along!! They'll provide entertainment for many senior citizens, they can probably learn to play shuffleboard and they'll earn their keep by mowing the grass. I plan to ship them by "Domestic Animal Air" for a reasonable cost and they can be there by the end of the week. I'm sure Aunt Nancy will be both surprised and delighted.

(Oh, Nancy, by the way - when that oversize package arrives, open it carefully. I'll give the goats a mild sedative so they sleep for the journey, but I have no way to stop their digestive systems so there could be a hazardous waste issue - but it will be great for your organic garden!)

Happy Birthday, Goat Boys!

Happy birthday to our goat boys, now officially one year old! Right now they are basking on their mats in the driveway, soaking up the sun after yesterday's snow. Spring can't come soon enough!

Megan is having some friends over tonight to watch the "chick-flick" movie Ten Things I Hate About You. In honor of the goats' special occasion, I think for one day I could try to forget all the recent negative aspects of our "goat adventure" and focus on the positive - so here it is, Emerson and Elliot -

Ten Things I Love About You.

1. Looking at old "baby" pictures and seeing how small you were - and how you've grown!
2. Mornings when I peek out the window just as you're waking up, how you stretch and yawn and greet the sunshine, shaking first your body and then your head, so funny
3. When I bring out warm water and you "slurp-siphon" the whole bowl dry in that funny way goats drink
4. Watching you butt heads and dance together on hind legs (don't ever give this up!)
5. Two goats sleeping on the shed roof - adorable
6. Feeding you treats like old apples or stale animal crackers, and you act like they're gourmet chocolate
7. Every time I tell you "Pee!" and you do, and I know all systems are go for at least one more day
8. How you are always so delighted to see me, every time, even if I'm grumpy or malcontent or not carrying food, and how you love to snuggle on my lap
9. Ellie's moonspots, and Emerson's plaintive whimper that means "just stay a little longer, please!"
10. The way you always keep on loving us, even on days when we really don't love you back!

Happy Birthday, Emerson and Elliot!

(And even though Aunt Karen says you are "ugly goats," I think you're adorable!)

The "Goat Suit" and other great buys...

For die-hard yard sale fanatics like myself, the search for amazing items at rock-bottom prices is as much about the thrill of the hunt as the financial savings. Today Emily and I were driving around town (well, Emily was driving and I was gripping the door handle and stomping on the floor mat...) - and we passed the house where I once snagged one of my favorite garage sale deals,  a graphing calculator the girls needed for school at the cost of $1.00, allowing me to return to the store the one I'd just bought (and thankfully not yet opened) for $99.99. (Three years later it's still working just fine.) We passed another house where I'd found Megan an entire set of Batman action figures, then a yard where I'd picked up a printer with no less than five new ink cartridges (that was a bit more expensive at $6.00). I love this town come springtime!

Most-useful item of the year - the wooden "feeding house" pictured above - although the roof can lift off to convert it into an enclosed box accessed by a small side door, the goats love it as a three-sided shelter from wind and rain and spend much of the day basking inside. (Warmer days they sleep on top...) Perfect size for two goats, or one goat and one sleepy teenager, after taking the goats on a long walk. Price: a terrific deal at twenty dollars.

Best deal - Emily's navy blue "goat suit" which I found last summer for a dollar in a nearby development. What it lacks in fashion it more than makes up for in warmth, durability and great pockets. Emerson and Elliot have mastered most of my velcro pockets (no treats safe from them!) but this suit is goat-proof, chew-resistant and machine-washable too.

It should be noted that the most expensive item in the photo is Emerson - originally advertised at a hundred dollars, he was "marked down" to $75 because we bought two goats. Right - I'm just not sure I got a good deal on that purchase...

Baby, it's COLD outside!!

                                      Suddenly a goat or two on your car doesn't seem so bad...

Bulldozers, Aardvarks and Multiple Choice...

This morning I stumbled into the kitchen, hitting - in this order - the "start" button for the coffee maker, the "on" button for the TV, and the cat (with my foot, accidentally - but why would a white cat choose to sleep in the middle of a white kitchen floor? I have never understood that.). The weather forecast popped up on the news - record low temperatures, high wind advisory. Great. I put on a tea kettle to warm up water for the goats, steeling myself for my morning journey outside to feed, care for, and clean up after them. I really hate winter, and especially I hate winter with goats.

Think positive. There must be something good about being a goat mommy...at least they're interesting pets, always a conversation starter. After all, the best story I had pre-goat was, "My cat had a hairball today," or something like that. Except for the rare occasion when a feline is mauled by a mammoth rodent, cats (though delightful) are not that unusual. Pouring my coffee, I watched Megan prepare her breakfast of guacamole and sprouts on garlic toast and I mused how sometimes it's good to be different...

When Megan was entering first grade, she had to take a standardized placement test at school. Since she had taught herself to read at age four and has a near-photographic memory, I was confident she would score well and was eager to discuss her results when the teacher called me in for a conference. Imagine my horror when the teacher showed me her abysmal score - although Megan had answered the first few questions correctly, nearly every subsequent item was wrong. Tersely the teacher suggested a consult for learning support, as well as a thorough vision exam. I thought Megan had overcome the struggles related to her premature birth, but...Puzzled, I scanned the test, randomly reading question #8. Students were asked to pick the best object to use for eating soup - fork, spoon, saucer, or  - bulldozer?? What was she thinking? And the best choice for a birthday gift, over board game and bathing suit, she chose aardvark?  Really, Megan?

At home I plunked her on the couch and asked about the test. Had she been ill that day? Was the room too noisy? Something upsetting her?

"Oh, Mommy," she exclaimed, leaping up and twirling in a circle, "I hated that test. It was too easy and boring, so I decided to make a game out of it. I picked all the most interesting answers. That made it more fun."

Maybe today when I'm scooping up frozen goat droppings and painting antibiotic cream on their unmentionable regions, I'll try to make it into a game. Note to self, however - I do need to have a serious conversation with Megan before she takes her College Board SAT exam this spring!