Saturday, February 1, 2014

Many Uses for a Phone Book

Last week my daughter was annoyed because a friend did not instantly return a Facebook message about the meeting time for a school event. Since she did not know his cell phone number, I suggested she simply call his home number, then pulled out the phone book to look it up. My daughter peered dubiously at the hefty yellow volume and asked, "Do those things even still work?"

Well, only if the Pony Express is busy...

This is the time of year when all the new phone books arrive on my porch. Since I was running low on newspaper to insulate under the interlocking rubber mats in the goat shed, I decided to use sections of the old phone books instead. Distracting the goats with a tub of hay in the driveway, I replaced the soiled newspaper with thick sections of the old books, then snapped the mats back in place like giant puzzle pieces, pleased with my work.

The sight that greeted me next morning set my heart racing. What animal could have done this?? Mountain lion? Bear? In the shed, all the mats had been pried apart, chunks of phone books strewn everywhere. It looked like a bomb had exploded. The water bowl was spilled over sodden hay, goats nowhere to be seen. Mentally scouting what predator could have done this and then carried off a pair of eighty-pound goats, I searched for bloodstains - but found only a trail of ripped  yellow paper leading behind the shed.There were my goats, blissfully chewing up more pages. Thanks, Mom, for leaving this delicious snack under our mats! It was so fun digging it out! Stupid goats.

Now you know. Like the high-pitched whistles only dogs can hear, apparently the paper in phone books contains a substance only goats can smell, even hidden under thick rubber mats, and also quite tantalizing to caprine taste buds. Leaving two satisfied goats amidst the mess, I went out to buy a few newspapers...

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