My Kids Eat Weeds!

Recently a relative sent me an article describing how a California airport procured a herd of 400 goats for two weeks to clear all the weeds and brush from a runway area prone to forest fires. For this service they paid the owners of these goats nearly $15,000.

With college tuition looming in our future, my mind immediately went to the critters in our yard. I could cram them in the minivan and drive to our local airport - surely they could be useful clearing weeds from a runway or two - what would someone pay for the use of Em and Ellie for a few weeks? (Believe me, anyone with 400 goats has my sympathy - how can anyone get all that hoof trimming done??)

The main problem here is this - my goats don't like most weeds. They are more selective than finicky toddlers who need their sandwiches cut in triangles, never squares...My goats love poison ivy, raspberry bushes, lilies, hosta and lilacs, but they disdain ordinary grass, dandelions, nettles and most of the nuisance plants I want them to eat. Often we pull great bunches of weeds and drop them in the goat pen, but usually the boys just pick at them, carefully selecting just a few tasty bites before wandering away. We don't eat this stuff, silly people! Let us out so we can find our own!!

There is one tree in our woods which the goats just love - I have no idea what it is but the leaves are apparently quite palatable as the goats always run to it when we take them for walks. Unfortunately this plant has a rather nasty side effect, which is why we have unofficially named it "the diarrhea tree." Anyone who accidentally lets them near this pulls cleanup duty the next day...

During a recent visit from my botanist sister, I noticed Emily bringing an armful of weeds up from the garden. Instead of dropping them off in the pen, however, she took them inside and began to saute them in garlic and butter. Though I have often been accused of spoiling the goats, I thought this was going a bit too far, but she informed me that her aunt advised her to prepare these weeds (which I have been fighting for years in the garden) for our dinner! Amaranth, or pigweed, is supposedly loaded with minerals and protein and boasts all sorts of health benefits. I have to admit, it did have a succulent flavor, and we'll certainly never run out - but if I ever see Emily harvesting leaves from the diarrhea tree, I'll just order a pizza for dinner!