Goats and the "Five Second Rule" for Food

Here's a lesser-known fact - for goats, there is no "five second rule."

This handy axiom was likely contrived by a mom of toddlers. What? You dropped a pretzel from your high chair tray? It's okay - five second rule...Peas rolled off your fork onto the floor? Mommy will get them - five second rule. As long as there is no visible dirt and the floor has been cleaned within the last month, most dropped food can be rescued. Of course, this works better for some foods (oreo cookies) than others (mashed potatoes), but in general a rapid response can prevent waste and is a boon to the grocery budget. I even heard this recently from one of my teens - hey, where's that biscotti for my coffee? Oops - five second rule!

This is not the case for goats. My fastidious goats will not even consume hay that has fallen from the hay rack. Any food product which comes in contact with the ground, even for a nanosecond, is now akin to toxic waste. Carrot sticks, animal crackers, crunchy weeds I've carefully picked for them - it doesn't matter - if it's dropped, it's rejected. (And don't even try mixing a cracker back in with the others - they will know.) If you cut up a whole apple into little goat-sized chunks and then in their exuberance the goats leap all over you and the bowl goes flying, just feed the salvaged apples to your children and start over for the goats.

Only one time have I wished my own children were more like the goats. When they were about three years old, my daughters were invited to a birthday party at a local "restaurant" filled with arcade games, ball pits, and overhead climbing tunnels - a loud, germ-laden facility packed with hordes of unsanitary toddlers and their frazzled mothers. As we waited for our pizza and cake, I watched Megan disappear into one of the plastic tunnels, followed by a drippy-nosed child in an apparently-leaking diaper. I fished a pack of clorox wipes from my bag and waited by the slide-exit for when (and if) she would emerge - relieved to finally spot her striped shirt among the melee - she was waving, gleeful - and  chewing?? 

I grabbed her. "Megan, what on earth...??"

Proudly she opened her mouth, displaying - uugghh - "Look, Mommy! I found chicken!"

Goats do have a few advantages...