How to Oil a Goat

Sunshine streamed in my window this morning as the weatherman forecast a rare, balmy November day. Highs in the 70s, not a cloud in the sky...the kind of day that calls for a picnic, a walk in the woods, a lazy afternoon in a hammock. I crumpled up my planned to-do list of indoor chores and grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

Today would be the perfect day to oil my goat.

Those who know us may recall that Elliot has, for the past three years, been intermittently plagued by a tenacious and horrific skin condition which causes such intense itching that he bites and scratches open sores all over his body. Resistant to pharmacological treatments (steroids, antibiotics, parasectisides, baths, dips, sprays, shots...), this scourge is markedly worse in cold weather. Last winter our veterinarian actually shaved his fur to keep the wounds clean, so Elliot spent the chilliest months indoors and wearing a fancy coat for warmth.

Image my delight last April when the last snow melted under blazing sun and suddenly Elliot was better, his coat silky and pristine all summer. Now imagine my horror a few weeks ago when October brought autumn's first frost and the next morning Ellie started itching and biting himself again. Even with recent warmer days, the nights are cool and his coat is developing the crusted and ragged appearance that leaves me counting in desperation, how many days until spring?

After a frantic call to my sister (whose four goats suffer afflictions even more bizarre than mine), we came up with a new treatment plan. Under the assumption that winter chills aggravate Elliot's dry, flaky skin, we decided he needs moisturizer. Problem - how do you coat a 90-pound animal in soothing hand cream? How do you work it through the fur in a timely, safe and affordable manner? What could I use that didn't cost eight dollars for a tiny tube?

Aha. Oil. Baby oil? Too scented. Olive oil? Too expensive. What's in the cabinet?

And that's why Elliot is now wearing an entire bottle of mineral oil, poured over and massaged into his skin until he became a shiny, drippy mess. (This is a "before" photo, by the way. My hands were way too slimy for the camera after.)

I know, Ellie - winter is coming. Pray it is a short one!