Toddlers (with hooves)

Apps, otters, data plans?? Under pressure from my college-bound daughters to upgrade our cell phones from the bulky models which have served us well for nearly a decade, I posted a query for help on a popular social media site. Surely my tech-savvy friends would guide me into the smartphone maze, I thought - but I received a mere two replies. Apparently the flaw was in my timing, as another friend had just posted a question on a controversial topic which quickly garnered dozens of opinions and overshadowed my little phone question.

My friend, a scholarly working mom of two elementary-age children and one extremely large cat, posed this query. Her children desperately wanted a puppy, and they had promised to do all the work. Opinions, anyone?

First, I picked myself off the floor and mopped up my coffee from the counter. What was she thinking?? Anyone who has ever had children or pets will attest that there is only one person in any family who cares for the animals - the mother. I responded, Will your kids scrape up festering dog poop and partially-digested groundhog vomited into the rug? Will they scrub out skunk smell or lift an injured dog (who soon outweighs them) into the minivan for an emergency vet visit? Will they take the puppy outside for nature's call in the middle of the night or in a snowstorm or during the World Cup final? I didn't think so...

I love animals, really. Since my daughters were born, I have cared for two rabbits, four cats, a dog, a guinea pig, a goldfish and a pair of goats. Somehow, I never learn. Get a puppy, I responded, as long as you are willing to do all the work for the next fifteen years. Another mom put it better - "A dog is like adding another child - a toddler - forever."

I shudder. The mere mention of toddlers dredges up long-buried nightmares of potty-training, temper tantrums, absurd preferences and irrational fears. They run off, they smack and bite each other, they never listen...Oh no. I realize I'm describing Emerson and Elliot. My goats are toddlers, reincarnated. And yet...

With the countdown to college fast approaching, there is some comfort in having two toddlers (goats) who won't pack their books and wave goodbye. With children, of course this is the endgame; I always knew that. You teach them to tie their shoelaces, ride a bike, bake cookies, drive a car. If you do it well, you work yourself right out of a job, and one day, off they go...and that's why everyone should have goats. Like toddlers, they'll forever be dependent on me to feed them, treat their scrapes, keep them safe. They'll never turn down a treat, a hug, a story, a bedtime lullaby. They won't go off to summer camp and be "too busy" to call for weeks at a time, or choose a movie with friends over a mom bearing snacks...

Don't get that puppy yet, my friend; spend this precious time with your kids. The years go by so fast. Then, when the kids are ready to leave home, that's the time to get your puppy. Better yet, get a goat...