Holiday Mischief

There is almost nothing more adorable than a baby goat - which is why people get them. This is exactly what happened to us, after Emily fell in love with her cousin's new pets and begged for her own "bottle kids." Almost three years later, we are the oh-so-proud owners of two 80-pound monsters who somehow produce their own weight in poop every day...but this blog isn't about Emerson and Ellie. Today's story features Leia and Obi, once smaller than a chihuahua but now full-grown and perhaps the most naughty goats I know. According to my sister, these sweethearts have recently decimated her outdoor Christmas decorations, including a set of gold bows, an entire wreath (delicious!) and three strands of lights. (They leave the cords but pluck and eat all the crunchy bulbs. Remember, goats can climb trees.)  Fine, she decided, we'll just forego outdoor displays and keep the decorations inside.

Lesson 1 - Never try to outsmart a goat.

Last night, scrolling through her favorite social media site, my sister was shocked to spot a photo of Leia (her dark-colored goat) amidst a tangled mess of holiday decorations on a neighbor's front porch. Reading the accompanying post, she discovered what had happened. Now with a taste for Christmas decor, her goats had apparently pushed through a hole in the fence and visited a nearby house.  Munching the festive arrangement, they made enough commotion that my sister's neighbor opened the front door - which of course was the perfect opportunity for Leia to bolt inside and head for the Christmas tree (does it get any better than this??). As the woman and her husband frantically chased Leia around their living room, Obi meandered around back and devoured all the lights on the deck railing. Naturally, for every ornament the goats consumed, they left a little something behind...

Lesson 2 - Sometimes you really, really need to bake cookies for your neighbors. Either that, or pack up and move in the middle of the night...

Also, don't be fooled. They grow up...

In and Out, and Around...

My goats are not like other people's goats. I've come to accept this fact. Here's what I think, though. If you are stuck with time-consuming, money-sucking pets who have absolutely no useful purpose, you might as well find ways to enjoy them.

Every morning I send Emerson and Ellie on a treasure hunt around their yard. This is how it works. While they eat their breakfast on the deck, I hide several locust seed pods (their favorite crunchy snack) in strategic locations around the yard. When I bring them back down to their pen, they wolf down a bowl of apple chunks, then look up at me expectantly. At my command - "Pods!!" - they're off, each goat eagerly finding his own trail of treats. Emerson knows to start at the yellow slide, then move to the wooden bench, the green cube chair and the picnic table. Ellie takes the right-hand path, from his platform (see Batgoat) to the fence, the yellow cube and the small picnic table. Each goat knows his assigned "stations" and I have never seen them try to steal from each other. After crunching down the last pods, they come stand beside me and "water" the grass, knowing I will praise them - "Good peepee, Emer! Good peepee, Ellie!"  

With neutered male goats, urinary health is critical. Make them drink, make them pee. Recently I've discovered something to make them drink even more - animal crackers. If I give the goats each a few of these dry, crumbly treats before pouring their water, they'll guzzle the bowl dry - like when you eat popcorn during a movie and then crave another soda. It's all about routine - but now unfortunately Em and Ellie turn away from any water that isn't warmed, spiked with apple cider vinegar, in the preferred bowls, and preceded by animal crackers.

Last night I dreamed that my husband took the goats to a local animal rescue while I was at work, trading them for a pair of black and white dogs and hoping I wouldn't notice the difference. At first I thought it was a nightmare. I wonder, though...